so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
