he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
