Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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