was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
