He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
