My pussy is not your playground.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
