Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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