Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
