i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
