she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
