come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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