WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
