i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
