nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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