When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
