Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
