coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize