Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
