you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
