dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
