In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
