we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
