Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
