No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
