all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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