Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
