I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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