So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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