went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
