i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i think i just lost a toe
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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