Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
