regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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