dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
