i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
