Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You took a bar mat shot.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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