I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
