I'm gonna have a badass scar
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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