Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
