I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
