I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
