Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
