btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
