he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
