Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
