we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I supernannyed him into submission
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
