So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
