we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
