i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
