I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
