More tranny stories later!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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