I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
