I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
