It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize