I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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