We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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