I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
