Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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