I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
