His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
