the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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