Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
false alarm, still single
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
