I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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