hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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