He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my sisters under your porch take her home
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
