The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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