At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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