i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
