I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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