i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize