Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
