Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
