Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
