Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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