I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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