so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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