Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Two words: nipple clamps
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