I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
