is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
