Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
