this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
