I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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