is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
