Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
