I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
