u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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