i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
