I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
