So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
