none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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