A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
