oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
