I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
