I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
