I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
