It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize