this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I AM VODKA MAN
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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