I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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