So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
