My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
