my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
