Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
